Sorry for sounding harsh. I know about your circumstances, you mention them occasionally, but stating there was no good day for you during the last 20 years sounds a bit absurd and self pity is the first thing that came to my mind, sorry to say. There's always room in daily life for joy and happiness. Having a place to live with a roof. Or a bed. Or enough to eat. Friends. Family. Fighting back might help, too. Hope you get my point. Just don't play anymore.
LE